Last year, there were allegations made against my pastor, Bill Hybels. Those allegations culminated in his early retirement and the entire elder board at Willow Creek Community Church stepping down.  Our family attended Willow Creek in South Barrington for 13 years before those allegations came out.    It’s been a little over a year since the storm hit Willow Creek.  Our family along with many others were thrust into the middle of it.  We didn’t ask for this storm to come, but it came just the same.

I have been thinking about how it takes courage to tell the truth about sin, and how some people don’t.  They keep their secrets and they don’t tell.  I don’t know the truth about all of the allegations with Bill Hybels.   God knows the truth and He is the one who judges justly.   What I am concerned about are the people within my story.  People who have sinned against me, and no one has ever brought those sins to the light.

When God called me to be a voice for orphaned and vulnerable children.  I could hardly wait.  There was so much that I wanted to say, and I had a finger to point.  But that wasn’t what God had in mind.  He told me that I needed to confess my deepest darkest secrets and sins, and tell the world how He rescued me.  That idea sent me running for the hills for about two years.   By the grace of God, I found the courage to tell the truth about my ugly sin.

Before I put my sins on display  for the whole world to see.  I comforted myself by the ideas that:

• my sin was a long time ago
• I had already confessed to God
• nothing positive would come from bringing those old sins into the light

God calls the past into account. says that he does, and it has been true for me.

Having the courage to tell the truth about my sin had some unexpected outcomes, the two biggest being freedom and healing.  It takes work to keep things in the dark, and your subconscious is always worried about the real truth coming out.  Healing happens in the light.  It’s ridiculous and wrong to think that your sin only hurts yourself.  There is always a fallout from sin, and when sin is brought into the light, there is always healing that ripples out over the people who were originally wounded.

God is loving and merciful.  He tends to the wounds of the wounded.  As believers we are called to expose darkness, and it is a very high calling.   Confessing my own sin was hard, but it can be especially painful to call someone else out.  I know first hand what it feels like to be exposed.  It was an act of mercy that God convinced me to stand up and own my sin.  Even though it ultimately ended in freedom and healing, the process of coming out into the light was painful and downright excruciating especially because I ran from the light.

says, “Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper,
    but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy.”

The enemy of our soul is a liar!   He will do his best to keep sin in the dark.  He will scare you into thinking that the fallout of truth would be worse than walking in darkness.  The Bible tells us people who walk in darkness are slaves to sin.

Someone running from the light most assuredly lives in bondage.  This is where addictions can come in,  because it is tormenting to think about what might happen if the truth comes out.  Fearful thoughts consumed me and zapped my energy when I kept silent about my sin.   I lived for the next adventure or anything that would help me suppress the ugly truth.  It was exhausting and I am thankful to be free.

For a long time the enemy of my soul kept whispering to me, “Love covers over a multitude of sin.”   This had me convinced that because I was supposed to be loving, it would therefore be wrong for me to expose someone else’s sin.   The Bible says that God’s people are destroyed from lack of knowledge.  For years I felt that it was so unfair that I had to suffer abuse and then on top of it, to be a “good girl”  because I believed I had to cover over my abuser’s sins, by keeping the secret.   I Praise God, who himself taught me His word!  We are supposed to love people, and we are called to expose sin.

says “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sin.”

says, “Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.”

The moment I gained footing in one area, the devil changed his tactics to knock me back down.  This has been where I have had to learn to fight my hardest battles.  After trying to get me to cover my abuser’s sin by being a “good girl” finally failed, the next step was for Satan to launch a full on assault.  I have experienced people slander me, threaten to hurt me, threaten to hurt people I love, and try to ruin me financially.  Remember, says, the thief comes to kill, steal, and destroy and he will find people to do his evil will.  Jesus came so we could have abundant life.

I want to address why a person might lie to cover over another person’s sin.  Telling the wrong person that you’ve been abused can get you hurt!   I learned how to bear up under name calling, rejection, emotional abuse, physical abuse, and even sexual abuse. When I got to a place in my faith where I finally believed that God was going to pull me out of the hell hole which was my life, I felt safe enough to turn to the church for help.  To my utter amazement, there were some people at church who had less faith than I did.  Their responses did not resemble Jesus’ example, or what is written in God’s word.

When I found the courage to tell that I was abused by someone in power, no one from the institutionalized church cried with me, there was no lament.  There was no brokenness expressed over what had happened.  I was questioned.  I was dismissed.  I was gossiped about.  I was even shamed, and it was suggested it was my fault.  Abuse is never the victims fault.

They dress the wound of my people as though it were not serious. “Peace, peace; they say when there is no peace.

God’s word is the ultimate standard.  We are to love God and love people.  We love because he first loved us.  Love can take so many forms and one of them is to grieve with those who grieve.  Let yourself go there,  enter into their pain.

Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.  

Another thing I discovered after finding the courage to tell that I was abused was, that no one knew how to administer God’s word to my broken heart.    They did not tell me in my brokenness that healing is part of the atonement.  No one at the church knew what to do with what I had confessed.  The Bible says, The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.  He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.  

Instead of telling me God’s truth, they responded by calling a government agency to report what they had been told. The government is not God. The government does not subscribe to the same set of rules. Governments are set up by God, but they will not treat you like the people of God are supposed to treat you.  You will get sifted as grain is sifted in a sieve.   Everything in my life was shaken just like God’s word declares will happen to all of us.

When I felt a glimmer of hope that I could be relieved by confessing what someone else’s sin had done to me, it was immediately smothered like the small flicker of a candle snuffed out between a finger and a thumb.  Poof! No hope!

• abusers get protected.
• victims can  get re-victimized, often worse than the original trauma.
• some abusers have a team of supporters around them.
• abusers are often very likable people.
• abusers can come off well in a conversation whereas someone who has only known the role of victim is not well spoken at all.

Sometimes people hurt the people they are trying to help.  There are some that will argue that a mandated reporter, must report what they have heard.  It was explained to me that a call had to be made on my behalf because they believed that I wasn’t strong enough to make the call for help.  But I did call for help, unfortunately for me, I called the church.

Consider for a moment when someone in authority abuses that authority.  I’m talking about people who have access to the victim and they can often old something over the victims head.  In my personal experiences the abuse has involved men and boys.

I know from personal experience that sometimes people don’t have the courage to own their sin.  Those people who hurt me, have watched me struggle.  They’ve watched me continue on with my life, and I’ve watched too.  I’ve watched them seemingly prosper in their ways.  I don’t know why I have never seen repentance.  Perhaps they have believed the same lies I believed about my sin.

• The sin was a long time ago
• It has  already confessed to God
• nothing positive would come from bringing those old sins into the light

My father and I had a good relationship near the end of his life, but there was a lot of damage done in my early years that was never reconciled before he died.  I have two ex husbands and neither of them have ever owned up to the damage they left in the wake of their sins.  I’ve had to learn how to forgive them, and keep entrusting myself to the one who judges justly.

Where should a girl turn if her father is the perpetrator?  What about a wife whose husband works in law enforcement? It’s sad but some people at the police department lack integrity.  There is so much to unpack here.  There is no burden like an untold story.

I tried to tell my story of what happened to me.  Unfortunately, what has ensued as a result of me confessing sin committed against me has been nothing other than devastating.   One person who had abused me retaliated with more violence when he discovered that I told someone.  Abuse, upon abuse, upon abuse.  I had to run for my life, literally!  I shook my fist at God with the injustice of it all. I accused him of being impotent and I listed my reasons.

When I first started attending Willow Creek, I was told it was a gift, and it was.  I could go on and on about wonderful people and experiences I have had at Willow.  But the true gift I received was the Holy Spirit.  After a few years of following the flow at Willow I was looking to go deeper into God’s word.  Despite being there on Sunday mornings, and Wednesday nights, volunteering my time, and talents, and treasures,  I still had an ache.  I had problems that I couldn’t fix and I needed the power of God.  I wanted to know about what the Bible said about healing and speaking in tongues, among other things.  I needed help!  God is not impotent.  He is grieved with injustice and sin.  He is calling all people unto him.

We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to our own way; and the LORD has laid on him the iniquity of us all.  

“For the Son of Man came to seek and to save the lost.”

It takes courage to tell the truth about sin.  The word of God must be preached.  People need to know God’s standard and they need to know his love and mercy.   I have stood in front of Bill Hybels, Steve Carter, Heather Larsen, and other pastors at Willow Creek Community Church insisting they needed to preach the gospel at every single service.  I have insisted that it is imperative to put a Bible into the hands of every visitor and member.

This week is Holy Week.  Today is Good Friday.  Passover begins tomorrow.  While people are preparing Easter Egg  hunts and photos with the Easter bunny they are missing the one thing that matters.   Jesus is our passover lamb.  Many people don’t know the significance of this because they don’t know God’s word, because it is not being preached in many churches or taught   in our homes.  I wasn’t taught these truths growing up, nevertheless God’s word is still truth.

God puts it on the parents teach their children God’s word.   These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts.  Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.  I can speak to the lack of God’s word being in Willow Creek another time, but I recommend bringing your Bible with you to Church.  It’s not fun being told you are a sinner.  But then again, friends don’t let friends go to hell.  Wounds from a friend can be trusted.

When I was first directed to read my Bible, I didn’t do it.  People need to be told by their pastors to read God’s word every day and they need to be taught how to feed themselves God’s word.    One day I saw Bill Hybels stand on the stage, he held up his Bible and said, “I can’t read this for you.  You need to sit down in your chair at home and read your Bible.”  Not long after that my husband started reading his Bible and I was thankful.  It reminded me of a parent telling a toddler, you need to learn how to hold the spoon and feed yourself.

Bill wasn’t always there at Willow, and there were some Sundays that didn’t seem like a sermon at all.  They were entertaining, but they didn’t edify you with God’s word.  We need to sit with God every day. He is the vital necessity.

I am praying  for God’s word to be raised at Willow Creek, because it seemed to me that the world was, and still is watching.  When Steve Carter came to Willow we rejoiced because he preached the word of God.  Steve isn’t there anymore and even when he was, I still I found myself at the front of the church begging them to hear the importance of Bibles being in the sanctuary.  Let people hold the life giving word in their hands. Give them hope, I’d say.

The Bible says there’s are none who are righteous, no, not one.  as it is written: “None is righteous, no, not one; no one understands; no one seeks for God.  All have turned aside; together they have become worthless; no one does good, not even one.”   Jesus is God’s son and he died to pay the price we cannot pay. God loves people even though they have sinned. Faith comes by hearing the word of God.  The word of God is alive and active.  God’s word taught me that there was nothing I could ever do to earn God’s love.  God’s love is a gift.

I wanted to leave Willow Creek Community Church a few years before all the of allagations came out against Bill.  I was distressed because so many people I know are broken from sin.  They are either weighted down by their own sins, or they are suffering under the weight of sins committed agains them.  Healing is a part of the atonement.  God is a loving merciful God.  

“He himself bore our sins” in his body on the cross, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; “by his wounds you have been healed.”

 for, “Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.”  

I’m just one person and this is my story in HIS story.   When the enemy comes in like a flood, God raises a standard.  That standard is the word of God.  That standard is Jesus.  Do you know him?

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=EehdzN5lVh8