When I was engaged to my husband I used to do construction work with my husband and my father-in-law.  Sometimes when my father-in-law would go to get materials he would take me with him.  It was during these times that he would pour his wisdom and opinions out for me to hear.  Because I respected him and also because I have ears and he was my boss and because I was basically trapped in the truck I would listen to him.

One day he told me how to avoid buying stuff. It’s simple he said, “Don’t go to the store.”  I had no idea how this one seemingly little idea would blow up over the next 20 years of my life.

Early on in my marriage I soon discovered that my husband thought the Biblical definition of submit meant that I would no longer have a choice in anything.  He expected that since we were married that he now got my vote for everything.  It didn’t matter if I personally disagreed because he deemed himself the head of the household.  He wanted to own my every thought and opinion and whenever I disagreed with him it was met with me being disciplined so that I could fall in line with what he wanted.

I desperately wanted to be a “good” wife.  Since I had already been married twice before I considered myself a failure as a wife.  The thing is that right on the heals of meeting my husband, I fully surrendered my life to Jesus Christ.  At first nothing was different about me other than the fact that I had surrendered my will to the LORD.

Over time Jesus started to make some changes in me.  I learned to sit with God and pray each day and read His word.  Slowly my thoughts and attitude about the things of this world started to change.

I realized that my music wasn’t giving me good messages.  I had to stop hanging around certain people. I dressed differently.  It didn’t happen all at once, but slowly the Lord started to change me.  When these changes started to happen there were times when my husband wouldn’t agree with the change.  For example, he wished I could dress more sexy like I used to.  This conflict created a lot of turmoil in me.  I began to feel a heavy weight and stress because I wanted to please my husband and the LORD.

I had a baby and small toddlers by this time and I used to deal with my stress by going to the store. I would walk around to find some sort of small purchase or good deal on something for our home.  Over the years there were times when my husband wasn’t making as much money and it was then he would restrict how much access to cash I had.  Other times he purposely restricted my access to cash as a way to manipulate me and control me.

One year at church they passed out small zippered HOPE bags.  They suggested that whenever we were going to spend a small amount of cash, like perhaps on Starbucks or whatever, we could instead put the money in the HOPE bag.  At the end of the month we were supposed to bring our money to the Celebration of HOPE at our church to be used for the fundraiser that year.

The problem for me was that I actually didn’t have any extra money.  So I started looking around my house for things I could return to the store for a refund.  This created in me a habit of any time I didn’t have cash I would simply turn around, go back to a store and return an item.

If you fast forward a few years you would again find me sitting in church.  This time it was at the beginning of a new year and I had decided that I wanted to tithe the first ten percent of my year to God. I made a list of things for God that I wanted to give to Him every day. For the first ten percent of the year I proposed I would…

• Read my Bible everyday for 15 minutes
• Pray every morning
• Drink a pint of fresh living  juice and eat two plates of fruits and veggies
• Exercise

I presented my list to the LORD to see what He thought and that was when the Holy Spirit added one more thing. DON’T GO TO THE STORE.  This seemed strange to me, but as I looked into my well stocked pantry filled with goodness from Costco, I reasoned that I could obey.  I think it was about ten days into this journey with God, my husband came home filled with angst.  He said that he had made some poor financial decisions and that I couldn’t go to the store anymore.  He reduced my grocery and gas budget down to $100/month and told me that I didn’t need to go anywhere.

A few days later I had a product break and I decided that it was okay for me to return it to the store.  I wasn’t planning on buying anything so I thought it would be okay. That was when the LORD convicted me.  He showed me that it is really important for me as a follower of Christ to be strong in my convictions.  I learned that I was wishy washy and always changing my mind, another way to say it is double minded. I was undone when the LORD showed me this verse, All you need to say is simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’;anything beyond this comes from the evil one. Matthew 5:37

In April of 2019 I had a falling out with my father-in-law.  He had bought us some tickets to a concert.  It was a really nice gesture, but I wished he had asked me before buying the tickets.  There is a difference between asking verses telling.

I really like my father-in-law and I believe he really had good intentions.  Unfortunately I had long-standing plans to go out of town and I was scheduled to leave the morning after the concert.  One day I had a conversation with my father-in-law and I wanted to communicate a few things.  First off, I wanted him to know how thankful I was to finally be a part of the family and I was intending to go to the concert.  Secondly, I needed him to ask me in the future as opposed to buying tickets and expecting me to join.  He agreed he would ask me in the future.

In the weeks before my trip and the concert I got knocked down with bronchitis and pneumonia.  The final blow came when I received a voicemail from my father-in-law telling me that he was going to take us out to dinner before the concert.  He left the name of the restaurant along with the address and the time he wanted us to be there.  He ended by saying, “Don’t be late.”

None of this went over well for me.  I was recovering from an illness that was horrific for me.  I could see that clearly he still felt the right to make decisions on my time and life and I felt the need to be free from that.  After praying about it, God told me to nip it in the bud.  I admit that if I had understood that to be a pruning, I probably wouldn’t have gone straight over to my father-in-laws house to discuss it.

Sometimes I get nervous when I’m talking to men.  Especially those who act like they are large and in charge.  I remember sitting on the floor when we talked, somehow I felt this would help.  He had recently had a stent put in at the hospital and I was recovering from bronchitis and pneumonia.  It was the perfect storm.

When I gave my protest he started yelling and swearing at me.  He told me he hated me and that I was so messed up. He said he was trying to be nice and then he uninvited me. He told me to get out of his house and that he never wanted to see me again. Somewhere during the rant I said something to the effect of, “God let’s people have a choice!” And that was where things got really stormy.

He told me, “GOD DOESN’T MATTER!” at which point I angrily told him, “GOD IS THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS!”  Then I gave him the Good News about Jesus Christ.  It was quite possibly the worst preaching of the gospel I may have ever done.  I told him that Jesus paid the way for him to go to heaven and that he really wanted him there.  I told him that there was going to be a wonderful dinner, a celebration in fact.  But I told him that God was a gentleman not a bully and that he would get a choice.  My biggest failure was when I told him that if he chose not to go that the LORD would look at him and tell him to GO TO HELL.

I’m pretty sure I whipped my arm and finger out somewhere to the right for some sort of ridiculous sarcastic effect.  Then I stood up and marched out of the room.  I went home and sobbed for weeks.  My whole life I wanted to be a part of a family and in one intense evening my family was thrown into a storm.

To this day we have never reconciled.  My heart aches because now we see that we are in crazy times and I especially want my father-in-law to know Jesus.  He has no idea how his whole concept of Don’t Go To The Store convicted me to be steadfast in my faith.

We are in perilous times and believers everywhere need to be steadfast.

When Covid hit and everything shut down, I knew exactly how to handle it.  I was trained for Covid.  What was supposed to be not going to the store for the first ten percent of the year turned into a financial desert that lasted years.  God pulled me out of Costco. I spent years going to food pantries. Later he taught me how to sprout seeds and grains.  I learned how to do an indoor garden. I learned how to grow a vegetable garden.  I learned how to preserve food with canning and dehydrating. The LORD taught me that I get to choose where every one of my dollars goes and that Costco isn’t my friend. I learned to buy food from farms and co-ops and when Covid hit, I knew how to not go to the store.

All you need to say is simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’;anything beyond this comes from the evil one. Matthew 5:37“

No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money. Matthew 6:2

Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, love for the Father^[a] is not in them. 1 John 2:15

Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. James 4:8