End of Life

“End of Life,” that’s the phrase that’s been highlighted to me in this season.

Earlier this year I woke up to the chirping of our carbon monoxide detector. I had never heard it beep before.

It was early in the morning and I didn’t want to call 911 for no reason. While my family was sound asleep I searched the internet to find out what to do.

Carbon monoxide is dangerous. You can’t see it and you can’t smell it. It’s a silent killer. From what I could tell we were in an emergency. I knew no one in our house was going to be happy but I felt compelled to pick up the phone and dial 911.

It didn’t take long for the fire department to come. The firemen walked in all geared up in their fire fighting uniforms. One of the firemen walked over to the carbon monoxide detector and quickly counted out loud along with the beeps. Then he unplugged it and started reading the microscopic print on the back.

”End of LIFE,” he said flatly.

”Well that won’t be happening here!” I told him.

That’s when he explained that there was no emergency at all. The beeps he counted out simply meant the end of life for the carbon monoxide detector and it was time to replace it.

I had hesitated to call for help because I didn’t want to alarm my family. I was assured I had done the right thing and I guess if a mistake gets made, I’d rather it be that I erred on the side of cautiousness.

Later that same day I ended up having to call 911 again. This time it was because I was hemorrhaging. I had more unexpected conversations with some of the first responders in my town and this time it ended with a trip to the hospital.

We never really know when our number will get called and the words “End of LIFE” were lingering in my mind. It clearly wasn’t my time to go because here I am typing out this blog post.

I think it was only a few days later that I heard to phrase “End of LIFE” again. I needed to get some work done on my van. Among other things I was told I was going to need new brakes. My mechanic started explaining how much longer I could drive before I needed to get my brakes fixed.

I don’t speak mechanic and so I asked him to please make it clear what the numbers meant. He looked me in the eye and he said, “End of LIFE.”

“You’re the second person to say that to me this week!” I exclaimed.

It was creepy. I don‘t like to think about end of life. I have experienced so much trauma with end of life issues. This has overflowed on my children because unfortunately I have often said things like, “I could die!!”

And that’s how I’ve lived. I’ve lived in a constant fear that I could die or someone I love could die. It’s a dreadful cycle of cyclical thinking.

My husband has steadily looked into my eyes many times and told me that we are all going to die. Sometimes it seems like he is able to live blissfully unbothered by the reality of death while I’m hyper aware that not only does it come to all of us but not a day goes by when it doesn’t come to someone.

Not too long ago I heard “End of LIFE” a third time. I was sitting in my chair and my husband was in his and suddenly he was all up in arms. When I asked him what was wrong he said his computer had the blue screen of death.

Can you hear the echo?

End of LIFE…. End of LIFE… End of LIFE!

End of LIFE… for the Carbon monoxide detector
End of LIFE…for the brakes on van
End of LIFE…the blue screen of death on the computer

God is walking me down a healing path and that means he is asking me to face things that scare me. I heard a man say that you can’t scare a christian with heaven. From what I’ve read about heaven in the Bible it sounds amazing. But I’m not there yet and quite honestly my lower life down here has become quite painful.

I was watching the movie “The Book Thief.” It’s a historical fiction movie set in Nazi Germany during World War II. One of the main character’s is a young girl Lesil who has to face the trauma of losing her family. Her friend Max is a Jew and had to go into hiding. I almost fell off my treadmill when I heard her express so clearly what I often feel in my own heart.

Lesil: “I can’t lose someone else.”

Max: “I’m not lost to you Lesil. You’ll always be able to find me in your words. That’s where I’ll live on.”

The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit. Proverbs 18:21

Our time in these bodies is temporary. Do you have an exit plan? Things may be miserable today but it will not always be this way. Jesus is mighty to save.

“Jesus answered, ‘I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.’”– John 14:6

So I reflected on all this and concluded that the righteous and the wise and what they do are in God’s hands, but no one knows whether love or hate awaits them. All share a common destiny—the righteous and the wicked, the good and the bad, the clean and the unclean, those who offer sacrifices and those who do not.

As it is with the good, so with the sinful; as it is with those who take oaths, so with those who are afraid to take them.

This is the evil in everything that happens under the sun: The same destiny overtakes all. The hearts of people, moreover, are full of evil and there is madness in their hearts while they live, and afterward they join the dead. Anyone who is among the living has hope—even a live dog is better off than a dead lion!

For the living know that they will die, but the dead know nothing; they have no further reward, and even their name is forgotten. Their love, their hate and their jealousy have long since vanished; never again will they have a part in anything that happens under the sun.

Go, eat your food with gladness, and drink your wine with a joyful heart, for God has already approved what you do. Always be clothed in white, and always anoint your head with oil. Enjoy life with your wife, whom you love, all the days of this meaningless life that God has given you under the sun—all your meaningless days. For this is your lot in life and in your toilsome labor under the sun.

Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might, for in the realm of the dead, where you are going, there is neither working nor planning nor knowledge nor wisdom. I have seen something else under the sun: The race is not to the swift or the battle to the strong, nor does food come to the wise or wealth to the brilliant or favor to the learned; but time and chance happen to them all. Moreover, no one knows when their hour will come: As fish are caught in a cruel net, or birds are taken in a snare, so people are trapped by evil times that fall unexpectedly upon them. Ecclesiastes 9:1-12

When I got saved I didn’t even know I wasn’t a christian. I had grown up in the church, I was confirmed in 8th grade. Even as a young adult as a woman whose life was crashing and burning, even while I was going to church and singing the songs I lacked one thing. I didn’t know Jesus. It isn’t enough to know about Jesus, you have to know him intimately. Do you know Jesus?

Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever. Hebrew 18:8Hebrew 13:8

for, “Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.” Romans 10:13