I had the Explant surgery I so desperately needed this week. The surgery was Friday, and today (Monday) I was finally able to cry.

At 4am this morning I woke up and realized that today is the last day the nurse will be here to take care of me. I figured that I had better figure out what I could do on my own. After 15 minutes of struggling to get out of this big recliner, I was finally able to stand up on my own. I wandered to the bathroom because that’s the one thing I wanted to know I could accomplish all by myself.

For those of you who don’t know what’s going on, I have been suffering from breast implant illness.

In 2013 I ran a marathon for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society and attempted to raise $30,000 this was my fundraising page. That particular experience was all human effort. It was my best effort, and I dedicated it to God. It really didn’t produce the fruit I had hoped for.

God called me to that experience and one thing He taught me, is that apart from Him, I can do nothing. John15:5 says “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.”

It took me over a year to get my appointment scheduled with the surgeon I wanted for the Explant surgery.   When I told my husband that I had finally secured  a surgery date, he really wasn’t very happy. He told me that I screwed us over financially, and that I was toxic. He told me that he knew exactly what to do with toxic people, which is to stay away from them.

The last thing he said before he left the room was, “Your God better pay for that surgery!”

He hardly talked to me for three weeks. So during those three weeks I spent extra time with God. I had to, because getting here has been a war, and a miracle, all rolled into one.

About a month ago I did a GoFundMe called “Where There is Love There is L.I.F.E.”

Guess who showed up to my fundraiser? Yup! God showed up!  He touched people’s hearts! Many of you who read my blog responded to God’s call, and even people I do not know. I am so thankful!

I knew God would show up, but the process was not fun at all! I wasn’t prepared for all of the people who came to me with loads of questions that I didn’t have answers for. When you are walking by faith and not by sight, God doesn’t give you all the details. If He did, it wouldn’t be called faith.

This morning I started to panic because my arms are tied down and I am unable to use them. My awesome nurse who has taken such good care of me is leaving. This is her fourth and last day with me and I don’t want to see her go. Rose has:

• stripped the fluid from my drains every 4 hours
• given me my medicine when I need it
• taken my blood pressure & temperature
• helped me dress & undress
• helped me go to the bathroom
• Turned the faucet on and off
• helped me stand up
• helped me sit down
• chopped salads
• prepared healthy soups
• Brought me coffee, hot water, and milk
• juiced fresh living juices
• cleaned the dishes and kitchen
• covered me with my blankets
• taken my blankets off
• adjusted my pillows (a million times)

These are just basic things, yet Rose has done them over and over again, around the clock.  This list is not exhaustive by any means. Go ahead and try to live your life without your arms and you will see how much you cannot do.

Whenever I have made a peep of any kind, Rose has rushed into the room to see what I needed. This morning she wanted to know why I would even try to get up and use the bathroom by myself!?

When I confessed that I tried to make coffee she asked how I got it down off the shelf.

“I knocked it off with a long kitchen spoon.” I confessed. An attempt I immediately regretted.

I’m a survivor!  Survivors don’t just sit around.  I was calculating it all out. Testing and measuring what I could and couldn’t do. As I sat at the table early this morning I wept. My tears silently fell down onto the table. Sin has such ugly consequences.

I had a sliver of pride this morning. I managed to go to the bathroom all by myself. Forget the fact that I couldn’t pull my pants all the way up by myself.  I got them half way up and my shirt covered the rest. But I knew when I walked back to my chair with my pants still part way down, that I had tried to do too much, too soon.

It was confirmed that I had done too much when Rose got up this morning and measured my drains. I might have gotten them out today if it weren’t for my shenanigans.

I’ve been wanting to do an update from my blog. I knew I needed to take space to heal, and that I was not going to be able to field all of the text messages and phone calls.   I’m also aware God is asking me to share this journey.  So there you have it!

Surgery went well!

I am healing, and much like my fundraising efforts, I was reminded this morning that apart from Christ,  I can do nothing.

God is asking me to trust Him to heal me, in His way, and on His timetable.  It’s not easy,  and at the same time it is. God is trustworthy! He has shown himself true. But I had to walk the path of faith.

My husband and three of our kids are here helping me.

I didn’t know if I was going to have to do this alone.  I knew I needed to fly because that will be the easiest path for me home, and was the only way possible if I had been alone.

God knew that I needed support, and he worked it out wonderfully. He has provided for me amazingly in every way that is possible far more than I could have asked for or imagined.

A friend of mine put together a meal train, and if you can support our family during this very difficult time by either bringing a meal or buying a meal for when we get home, we would really appreciate it! My Meal Train link is just below here. The links show up in light orange and I don’t know how to change that.
Here is the link to the
Meal Train

“The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭23:1-6Psalm23: 1-6

**I changed my nurses name to protect her privacy.