So it’s Father’s Day.  You’re feeling grumpy because everyone around you seems to be celebrating a day that you just don’t care about. Why should you?  Your Dad screwed up. He wasn’t there for you like he was supposed to be.

You’ve spent your whole life watching all of your friend’s Dads show up.  They were there at the sporting events, the birthday parties and graduations. Your best friend’s Dad not only walked her down the isle but he was the pastor who married her to her husband. He takes her out regularly for dinner and you just cringe every time you hear about it.  It’s not that you don’t want your best friend to have a great relationship with her father, it just that….well, it hurts.

When I was a little girl my relationship with my Dad was strained.  My parents divorced when I was a baby.  My Mom left my Dad because he was an explosive alcoholic.  The act of my Mom leaving was the jolt that started my Dad down the road to salvation and surrender to God.  It was a long road.

I didn’t get to see my Dad very often, but when I did he left quite an impression and I learned a lot from him.  He was a charming man and he dominated the conversation with his intelligence and witty attitude.  He was fun and I loved to be around him, until he would hit a wall and lose his temper.  I had a hard time knowing when exactly he might switch over to angry Dad, and because of that I walked on eggshells around him.

I remember feeling deep love for my Dad and always trying to catch his attention. I really wanted him to be proud of me and to love me.  I used to fantasize that he would come back and marry my Mom again.  He loved to talk about grand visions of all he could do for us.  He worked in construction at one point, so he talked about all of the things he could build and fix for us, but none of it ever came to fruition.  I learned that sometimes people say they are going to do something, but for whatever reason they don’t.  As I child, I always blamed myself.  I didn’t realize my Dad was so troubled and it wasn’t me.

My Dad was the first man I ever loved and he was the first man who ever let me down.  He spent a lot of time talking about how great he was.  As a child, I looked at him as if he was a hero.  As an adult I looked at him like he was a hypocrite.  As I grew older I started to question where he was, because he wasn’t with our family.  We needed him! We needed his protection, his provision, his presence, and love.  But he wasn’t there in those ways.

I do think my Dad loved me deeply.  I also believe he was a very broken man.  The day that I recognized his brokenness was a breakthrough day for us.  I realized that my Dad had never been able to provide the kind of parental relationship God intends for us to have, and I knew that he never would.  I made a decision that day to accept my Dad for who he was.

I wanted a relationship with him, and I consciously decided to pursue that relationship.  I entered into it with the mind frame that my Dad had nothing to offer me.  It took a pressure off.  Instead of looking for love, I decided to give love.  As strange as it sounds, I felt bad for my Dad.  It was a miracle really.  God had given me a heart for my Dad.  The Dad who had neglected me, abused me, and abandoned me.

A child should never have to hear her Father hatefully slander her Mother.  One of the cruelest things my Dad ever did was not love my Mother well.  He broke her heart and I had a front row seat. The behaviors that come from a hard-hearted person are damaging to even repeat.  Very dark.

God helped me to forgive my Dad.  I let go of the record of wrongs and laid it at the foot of the cross.  It was a miracle.  I did not have forgiveness for my Dad, I simply took the forgiveness the Lord gave me and applied it to my relationship with my Dad.  I had no idea that by letting my Dad off the hook I would also be freeing myself.  I found a new freedom that I didn’t know existed.  A weight had been lifted.

My Dad and I entered into a season of getting to know each other.  For the first time in my life I found that I could be real with my Dad and he started to do the strangest thing.  My Dad began transforming before me.  Not everyone who chooses to forgive has the beautiful experience  of reconciliation.  I didn’t see it coming because when I forgave my Dad, I was not looking for anything from him.

Our reconciliation was only a few brief years.  He had an accident where a horse trampled him and caused a brain injury.  He made an incredible recovery but it eventually caused an early onset of Alzheimer’s.  While I was on my honeymoon with Kevin, my Dad had a confusing experience after having back surgery.  The anesthesia from the surgery caused some temporary memory loss.  His Father had died a horrible death due to Alzheimer’s, and my Dad made the decision to go quickly. Upon returning home from my honeymoon, I was informed that my Dad had shot himself in the head while I was gone.  It didn’t surprise me at all, but it broke my heart.

My Dad had not attended my wedding.  I had hoped because our relationship had been improving over the more recent years, that he would come.  But he said he couldn’t come, and that he would see me after the wedding.  I had no clue about his declining health or his surgery.  He kept those things from me.

Recently our family went to the Ark Encounter in Kentucky.  I told my kids about how God had transformed my Dad and how that had helped to transform me. We talked about how my Dad told me to read my Bible and how I didn’t do it because I thought he was a hypocrite.  We had so many deep conversations and I marveled at God’s ability to save people who have gone utterly astray.

Let’s face it, the world is full of Dads. But for you and your Dad, it’s not such a great story and you’d rather not think about it.  In fact you get irritated with the mere mention of your Dad.  You’re not alone.   All Dads let their kids down at some point or another. It’s not a matter of if they’ll let their children down, it’s a matter of when.  The Bible is clear, we all fall short of the cross.

“There is no one righteous, not even one; there is no one who understands; there is no one who seeks God.  All have turned away,  they have together become worthless;
there is no one who does good,  not even one.” 

Some people feel that their Dad has done something unforgivable.  The Dads who shouldn’t be pardoned because they clearly failed. There are offenses in this world that are so blatant, even a child can tell it is wrong.   What does God have to say about those people and how are we to respond?

But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,

 “But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.

 Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.”

For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.  But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

If you forgive anyone’s sins, their sins are forgiven; if you do not forgive them, they are not forgiven.”

With God’s help forgiveness is possible.  If you haven’t forgiven your Dad, I highly recommend you do it. It will set you free!   Even if your Dad isn’t alive, walking down the path that leads to forgiveness is still possible. This wisdom can be applied to a Step-Dad, Adoptive Dad, the father of your children, a Granddad, Grandfather, Papa…. whoever the Dad is in your life that needs forgiveness, I encourage you to do it today.

Forgiveness does not mean that what someone did was okay.  Forgiveness doesn’t even mean that you have to invite a person back into your life. Some people aren’t safe. Forgiveness is a condition of your heart and it is between you and God.  It is giving up the right to get even and trusting God to bring justice.

I intended for this post to be done a few days ago.  It is now past the midnight hour.  Father’s Day is finished.  If you are reading this post and you have forgiveness on your agenda, I urge you to do it now! Set yourself free!

We will all eventually stand before the Lord. Forgiveness is a choice that each of us are faced with continually in this life.  There are so many opportunities to forgive.  But we don’t have endless opportunities, eventually we all pass away.  Hopefully not soon, but forgive as if you were out of time.

Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.

This is what the Sovereign LORD, the Holy One of Israel, says: “In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength, but you would have none of it.

And he who was seated on the throne said, “Behold, I am making all things new.” Also he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.” Revelation 21:5 ESV