Home of the Sparrow

Back in the year 2000 when I was in the fight of my life I worried about financial provision a lot. My family would not help me. They had the money but instead I was told to sell my house and move into an apartment that I could afford. Fighting for the custody of my children and battling through divorce court financially cripples all who are involved. During that very difficult season I was starting to seek the Lord because I needed help and I simply couldn’t get the help I needed.

I’m not saying people didn’t help me. I’m simply saying that some of the help I received really wasn’t help at all. I mean instead of sifting me and selling everything I owned with any worldly value (in order to help me pay my debts) you would think instead someone could have perhaps used their own money to rescue me and my kids.

In my search for help one day I went to the Bible and read Matthew 10:29-31 which reads, “Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your father’s care. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.”

At the time I didn’t find much comfort in that. I hadn’t gotten to the place where I understood that credit cards were no good. When I finally hit rock bottom and admitted to the Lord I had made a mess of my life and couldn’t fix it, He did in fact swoop in and rescue me and my kids.

A theme in my life for the past few years has been the Lord taking me back to places of trauma so that He can heal me. I have found the Lord’s healing to be a painful and refining process. I have been afraid to face what He has been requesting me to face. But through such incredible patience and love He has been healing me. The thing about the Lord’s healing is that it is complete!

Earlier this year my flat tire light went on. I went over to Discount Tire to have the tires checked. None of them appeared flat. When I got there a man named Christian pointed me to where I could drive my car over to get the air pressure checked. While I was sitting in line waiting I saw a Home of the Sparrow moving truck sitting in the parking lot.

It was impressed on my heart to volunteer at a homeless shelter or at a thrift store called Community Threads. Out of obedience to the Lord I filled out a volunteer application.

Over the years I have stopped into Community Threads from time to time. Once I felt compelled by the Lord to buy a small jar of jewelry. When I got home I discovered Masonic cufflinks and tie pins in the jar. The Lord leaves no stone unturned. I don’t believe these are coincidences. I wouldn’t be surprised if other people who grew up in the Masonic Home also struggle with fears about provision. Perhaps they too have made devastating choices and need to know that the Lord provides.

Community Threads is owned by Home of the Sparrow and they strive to empower women and children as they journey from homelessness to self-sufficiency. I was pleasantly surprised when they asked me to volunteer at their annual Gala which is their biggest fundraiser.

I had to figure out what I was going to wear and I pretty much feel lost if I’m not wearing scrubs or workout clothes. In fact I felt devastated and insecure with the first dress I tried on. I ended up in my bedroom flooded with all sorts of emotions and insecurities. Fortunately my friend had come over earlier that day with a Christmas present. She couldn’t recall why she hadn’t given it to me at Christmas but I now know it was God’s perfect timing for me to get it that day. It’s a lavender T-shirt that says, “All Bodies Are Good Bodies” and that is exactly the boost I needed.

My body hurts all the time. I have all sorts of scars and scar tissue which has caused adhesions. The surgeon who put my breast implants in damaged a nerve which caused a tumor to grow there. I won’t bore you with my ailments, but in a world that values a perfect body it can be hard to live in a body that is breaking down. I finally found a dress I was comfortable in and more importantly wore Dansko nursing shoes.

Henrietta and I attended the Black and White ball for Home of the Sparrow and it was so amazing! All in all it was a very fun night. I did tell my husband that I wished he were going with me to the Ball instead of Henrietta. We all only have one life to live and I’m intent on living mine even if my dog is the only one who will go with me.

I have been experiencing mounting financial pressures. On Mother’s Day I was in the ER and the next week I had an appointment at the High Risk Breast Clinic for a lump in my breast. We participate in Christian Healthcare Ministries so most of it will be covered but now I have a $1,000 debt because that’s my portion I’m required to pay each year. I don’t have the money so I’ve worked out a payment plan and I’m looking to the Lord. I know the Lord provides but I don’t understand His timing at all. He has continually placed the sparrow in front of me.

I shared a prayer request concerning provision for those medical bills and the woman who prayed with me asked the Lord to help me to be still and to trust Him, then she said, “Birds don’t have insurance!” God wants us to learn from the birds. So that’s what I am doing.

On Father’s Day a rainbow appeared over my home and I noticed that a sparrow made a nest in my grapevine. What a beautiful miracle unfolding before me and a precious reminder from the Lord that He doesn’t want me to worry. I am thankful.

Even the sparrow has found a home, and the swallow a nest for herself, where she may have her young—
a place near your altar, Lord Almighty, my King and my God. Blessed are those who dwell in your house; they are ever praising you.

Blessed are those whose strength is in you, whose hearts are set on pilgrimage. As they pass through the Valley of Baka, they make it a place of springs; the autumn rains also cover it with pools. They go from strength to strength, till each appears before God in Zion. Psalm 84:3-7