I read these words online, “One day you will tell your story of how you overcame what you went through, and it will be someone else’s survival guide.”  I needed to read those words.  I needed the encouragement to move forward in my journey of telling my story.  Because honestly, I was finding myself stuck.

Telling my story has been far more difficult than I ever imagined.  Going back to rehearse all of the hurts, lies, and rejection, is something I never wanted to do.  Once I was delivered from the miserable circumstances I was in, I wanted to bury those experiences and never think about them again.  But God had other ideas.  He called me to speak and tell my story.  I didn’t want to do it.  I ran from the very idea. It was too painful to go back and go through it all over again.

When I finally decided to submit to God and stand up to speak, I told him I would tell the story of what happened to me.  Someone needed to stand up and speak about the injustices that happen to little girls who are left with no parental protection.  Someone needed to point the finger.  So I mustered up the courage and told God, “Here I am. I will go and tell what abusive people do to little girls with no protection.  I will tell what happens to a woman who is trying desperately to flee from domestic violence, but can’t seem to escape because she has no support from family, friends, or people at church. I will tell.”

But that’s not the part of the story where God wanted me to start to speak.  Instead, God told me to stand up and tell my deepest, darkest secrets of sins that I had committed.  Really!?

I could not understand or make one bit of sense how the Creator of the universe could think it was a good Idea for me to stand up and confess my sins.  What I did understand quite clearly is that God’s ways are not our ways.  His thoughts are not our thoughts.  So even though it’s been painful, even though I haven’t wanted to do it, I put myself out there. I obeyed God.

My fears of telling my story started to come to fruition.  The very people who had abused me, started to accuse me!!!  It hasn’t been a quiet experience either.  These people have had no problem whatsoever in pointing their  fingers at me!  A lot of their words have been gossiped behind my back, while others have had the audacity to say things straight to my face.  “Look at you Alison!  Look how messed up you are! I hate you! No body loves you! How could anyone love a person like you? Look what you did! You are an idiot!  You are so messed up!  I can’t stand you! Get out of my face! I never want to see you again!”  These are just a few of the words that have been hurled at me directly.

Then there are the words that have swirled behind my back.  The gossip and stories that have come back to me are astounding.  When I hear the half truths that have been told about me, it makes perfect sense why I have been shunned by people who have claimed to love me.  Gossip is a murderer of close relationships.

So while I have been having the lovely experience of being openly criticized, shamed, and publicly humiliated. (Note my sarcasm. It is NOT lovely to be openly criticized, shamed and publicly humiliated) Throughout this humbling and humiliating experience where I have been on the receiving end of their pointing fingers,  God has worked in my heart how he loves these people.  I didn’t see that coming.

God showed me something that they can’t see.  Jesus is coming back!  Jesus is coming back and he will bring everything that is in darkness into the light.  Well now that is something amazing!!! I can hardly wait!  Because I don’t have anything to hide. Now that is good news!

Yes it’s true, I have done some horrible things in my life, and because of God’s great love, I have not been consumed!  Jesus has redeemed me from all that I have done. He took my punishment and his word says that there is no condemnation in Christ Jesus.

Now here is the bad news.  God knows everything.   He has heard every conversation behind closed doors.  He knows every interaction, every sin committed in secret.  God knows everything.  He has seen it all, he knows it all and he will judge it all.  People look at the outside, but God looks at the heart.

You can make yourself look righteous and just from the outside.  You can make the whole gang of people believe your story.  But you cannot fool God.  God knows the real you.  God knows all of your dirty dark secrets. God knows.

Right now, if you are one of the people who has ever come against me in any way.  If you know that you are guilty of sins that have not been spoken out loud. I want you to know that I forgive you.  I forgive you because God forgave me.  We are not friends.  We do not get along. You do not like me.  I feel uncomfortable around you.  But this I know,  Jesus is coming back and you are not ready.

God wants everyone to have an opportunity to enter into his Kingdom.  Everyone falls short of the cross.

I will leave you with ONE THING for today.  As I have told my story of how I overcame what I went through, it has become my own survival guide.

My eyes are ever on the LORD, for only he will release my feet from the snare. Psalm 25:15

Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy.  Proverbs 28:13

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.  For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because they have not believed in the name of God’s one and only Son.  This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but people loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil.  Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that their deeds will be exposed.  But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what they have done has been done in the sight of God. John 3:16-21

The law was brought in so that the trespass might increase.But where sin increased, grace increased all the more, so that, just as sin reigned in death, so also grace might reign through righteousness to bring eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord. Romans 5:20-21

When God is convicting you to confess your sin it’s not because he doesn’t already know what you’ve done.  He’s trying to help you.  You cannot atone for your sins.  Good works will not get you into heaven.  Your work is to believe in Jesus.  If you want to escape destruction then digest the fact that it is NOT ON OUR MERITS- BUT ON GOD’S GRACE!