Separation Anxiety and Abuse
We are designed to reconcile all of our relationships. It’s best that a husband and wife are able to resolve conflicts within the marriage. But that’s not always possible. But even if the marriage ends in divorce, reconciliation is still the goal.
It doesn’t matter if it’s a marital relationship, your family of origin, the family you married into, your children, your grandchildren, your parents, a friendship, a co-worker or any other relationship, when conflict arises the goal is always reconciliation.
God designed us to finish things. First we reconcile with Him, we either know the joy of being forgiven or we don’t. I cannot imagine a person who knows the joy of being forgiven by the Lord not wanting to give forgiveness to another person. But more than that my mind does not understand the people who are rejecting that forgiveness.
Redundant as it may sound, we are ultimately all designed to reconcile, at least that is the goal that the Lord has in mind. Romans 12:18 says, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”
Sometimes it’s not possible. There are people in my life that I have asked to forgive me and they won’t. There are people in my life who have sinned against me and they are denying it. I’ve chosen to give those people and situations up to God.
I’m close to a Godly woman who I go to for wisdom. There was a time when I explained to her my specific situation with my husband. He was lying and stealing a basically walking down rebel road, while portraying himself to be a pretty good guy. When I explained to her what was going on she simply said, “He’s trying to choke you out!”
It’s not easy to leave an abusive situation when you’re being choked out!
I’m not going to be ashamed to tell the truth! There is a very real thing called victim blaming and victim shaming. It’s not wrong for me to say someone hurt me. I got yelled at. I got hit. He stole from me. I was abandoned. He was unfaithful to me. Yep, I know that some of you are tired of hearing me say how I got hurt. I am tired of it too.
I wish I had been able to articulate myself better. I wish this didn’t drag on as long as it has. But I’m not going to beat myself up about it. I’ve done my best. I’ve made a slew of mistakes, but I also know that it has taken guts to get up here in front of the world and tell the truth. And when I say truth I mean to the very best of my ability. I’m not too proud to admit when I’ve gotten something wrong, or remembered things inaccurately. I trust that God is able to bring the ultimate truth to the surface. In any case, He has shown me many hurtful experiences that I didn’t even know were abuse.
Take for example, the man who took me to the Sybaris Pool Suites when I was a teenager. He took pictures of me and then used them against me. Somehow it never occurred to me how wrong it was for a man to take an underage girl and do those things. I just felt all sorts of shame. But perhaps we should take the SHAME OFF OF ME and place it more appropriately ON HIM the perpetrator.
I can think of a lot of scenarios where shame has been inappropriately placed on me. I have learned that abuse is never the victims fault.
I am choosing to stick with my conviction that Jesus redeemed my life. I might not see it all happening in the timing that I want, but I believe God is faithful. God’s word says in Psalm 147:3 “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”
I believe it! I’m banking on it!
It is not easy to give my testimony! Tonight I felt an overwhelming surge rise up in me when I had this one thought…
I am not ashamed of the gospel for it is the power of God for salvation!
I titled this post separation anxiety and abuse because to me those things go hand in hand. You don’t always know what someone has been through. I understand that some of the people who abused me were also victims at one time but that does not excuse what they did to me. Jesus is LORD.
Tonight I’m thinking about how God’s got my back.
