Shedding Some Light on The Situation
I’m going to try to keep this short. Today is September 19th, 2024. Last year just after Christmas my husband started construction on our home. This home was one of his dreams. He wanted a fixer upper house. I did not want a fixer upper house.
Our kitchen was falling apart and I wrote a blog post called Reality Check. I was simply pointing out the obvious which was that our home was falling apart. So much of our home is still falling apart. My new living room remains unfinished. The main reason is that my husband’s life is out of control. Also, my father-in-law who is a master carpenter himself promised to show up to help with the work and he ghosted us. My father-in-law actually continued working and went and built a kitchen for someone else at the time.
I have spent a lot of my life struggling with codependency. My father was an addict. I have married three men who have all struggled with addictions. I have had to take boundaries classes with Henry Cloud to learn how to not be codependent. I understand my job is to not rescue the addict. We are each called to carry our own knapsack through this life. We are also called to bare one another’s burdens. Right now I am in need of help! I have a burden.
I learned that my husband did not actually get a permit for the kitchen he built. Instead he got a permit for an egress window. I went and talked to the village. Three people from our village came out to the house and I explained to them the simple truth. I told them that I got saved right at the same time that I met my husband that I’m married to right now and that God planted me right into a family of rebels. I was honest about the situation and asked them what they were going to do. They said they were not going to do anything.
I told my husband that the village wasn’t going to do anything. I told him that is amazing grace that the Lord gave you. He said, “No, it was deserved.”
I actually sent Henry Cloud a very long hand written letter along with a box of the felted hearts I like to give out when I tell people that God heals broken hearts. I went to my grandparents home in LaGrange and bought a Christmas tree off of craigslist. It was a miracle unfolding and I brought home the Christmas tree and hung all of those felted hearts on it. Then I wrote God’s Road To Salvation for my Family. I also sent him a handheld wooden cross that I made out of Purple Heart wood. I never actually heard back from Henry but I know he did a class on reconciliation and estrangement after that.
Living in a house that needs work and is under construction is painful. For me I would say that this has been a violent experience. I cannot seem to get anyone to hold my husband or my father-in-law accountable. As of this time my husband has been coughing for a very long time. Very much like this house he has refused to address his health. Imagine that your body is a house. There is real pain in living in a broken down house.
I understand that I am not supposed to help my husband stay addicted. Does our whole family have to suffer? STOP denying reality!
Yesterday I babysat my grandchildren because my daughter and son-in-law are having a Habitat for Humanity house built. These homes are built almost completely by volunteers. They take all skill levels so all that is really needed is for someone to show up with a willing heart. You can sign up here if you have a willing heart. No experience necessary! Be sure to sign up as a friend and family partner.
