I haven’t really given much of an update about how I’m doing physically since my surgery.  Perhaps that’s because I wish I had some kind of great report to give, but I don’t.  I’ve had a really rocky recovery and there are many days when I’ve felt like I’m moving backwards and not forwards.

It turns out that I had a tumor that was removed from my nerve.  Knowing that I had a tumor explained why I was having trouble walking before my surgery.  Nerve damage can cause all kinds of problems.  Apparently, the surgeon who put my implants in (22 years ago) damaged a nerve and that caused a tumor to grow and that affected two of my toes.

After my surgery I hated sitting around feeling low, depressed and sick. My wounds from surgery didn’t heal properly and in fact became infected. I now know about seromas and unhealing wounds.  People would come up to me and try to hug me and I would shrink back because I had festering wounds.

Covid complicated all of this in a way I didn’t see coming.  What started out as incisions stitched together, turned into a horrifying situation where the stitches couldn’t even hold anything together.  When the wounds became infected the stitches started popping out.  I went to my surgeon and actually got chased out of the building by a man at the door who harassed me and my kids about masks.

This was one of my lowest points.  I really needed help and quite honestly I haven’t felt like the medical community and I see eye to eye.   Thank goodness my regular doctor was able to help me because the masks don’t work for me.

I asked God if He was planning to get me out of this situation and he handed me Isaiah 66:9.

After a few months I decided that I was going to start running again even if I started super slow.  I went outside and alternated running and walking for a mile.  It was a quick road that landed me back in my chair with plantar fasciitis.  Not resting produced the exact opposite result of what I wanted.

Since I couldn’t run my way out, I decided I would go on a fast to try to detox my way out.  Unfortunately, that was a total fail as well.  My body was still so toxic that when I went on a juice fast I ended up releases toxins into my blood stream which made me really sick.  I learned the hard way how important it is to use a program designed to bind toxins and carry them out of your body.

I know God’s ways are better, yet here I am struggling.  Why am I struggling? I’m struggling because I don’t want to show up for the suffering.  Who wants to suffer? Any takers? Here’s what God’s word says, If we suffer, we shall also reign with him: if we deny him, he also will deny us: 2 Timothy 2:12

I may not want to show up when I don’t feel good but actually I can.  I can show up perfectly imperfect, known and loved by the one true God who promises He will be with me and never leave me.  When my circumstances are telling me I have nothing good to report, God’s promises reign over it all. Jesus always brings Good News!

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

In the same way I will not cause pain without allowing something new to be born,” says the Lord. “If I cause you the pain, I will not stop you from giving birth to your new nation,” says your God. Isaiah 66:9 NCV

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. Isaiah 43:2