I have a small sticker I bought picturing an old blue type writer with flowers blooming out the top.  It says, “Write Hard and Clear About What Hurts” It’s an Ernest Hemingway quote and a picture of it pops up on my cell phone whenever someone from my house calls my cell phone.

HOME

Home is where it hurts.  Home is where it has always hurt.  My Dad was an explosive alcoholic.  My Mom was sick with inflammatory breast cancer.  She suffered in our home, in front of us and then when I was nine she died.

I grew up in the Illinois Masonic Children’s Home which was called “The Home” for short.  I could have grown up in the home of one of my wealthy family members.  I could have grown up in so many places.  But instead I lived in a children’s home around a lot of hurting children.

After I saw that sticker I started using my old typewriter.  Every time the pain of infidelity caused me heartache I would process that pain by typing it out on a typewriter.  It helped a lot!

Right Now I am typing this blog post to help me process the pain of rebellious family members.   My son is practicing driving so he can get his driver’s license.  His cell phone is old and the GPS map sometimes lags.  He gets annoyed and I get it.  But at the same time I wanted to give him a perspective shift so I told him a story about his older sister.

His bedroom used to belong to my oldest daughter.  When she was 17 she went on a missions trip to South Africa.  There were whole families living in a tiny house the size of the bedroom he lives in now and she lived in then.

There was no floor other than a dirt floor.  There was no running water.  People went outside and went to the bathroom on the ground.  Picking up the excrement was one of the tasks the kids did on that missions trip.

My son raised his voice in irritation and said, “I don’t live in Africa! I live in America!” And that is my point! In America we are dealing with a spirit of rebellion.

Last weekend I learned my husband is planning to go to a Sodom concert.  He said someone from his work got him a free ticket.  Instantly I was triggered.  My second husband was bisexual.  The pain he caused me by acting out isn’t something I like to think about.

I can tell when I need healing in an area by the way I react.  Instantly I felt nauseous. I started thinking, “I can’t do this! I don’t want this!  I’m not going to participate in this! NO WAY!”

I saw enough dread from men when I was reduced to working as a stripper.  But when my second husband walked in step with the sins of Sodom I was devastated.  I  thought his bisexual interests  were something from his past.  But if I learned anything from my second husband I learned that a person can lie straight to my face and I could believe he was trustworthy.   I didn’t see it coming and that  haunts me.

He was standing  in church with his arm around me on a Sunday night and on Monday morning he kissed me goodbye as if he was going to work but instead he went to California.  I’ve always known he was broken.  I know a lot of his story and because of that I have compassion.  The things I know explain a lot but they are not an excuse.

My two oldest children went through the fire with me.  What can be salvaged out of this situation?

““When you enter a town and are welcomed, eat what is offered to you. Heal the sick who are there and tell them, ‘The kingdom of God has come near to you.’ But when you enter a town and are not welcomed, go into its streets and say, ‘Even the dust of your town we wipe from our feet as a warning to you. Yet be sure of this: The kingdom of God has come near.’ I tell you, it will be more bearable on that day for Sodom than for that town.”
‭‭Luke‬ ‭10‬:‭8‬-‭12‬ ‭NIV‬‬

““Just as it was in the days of Noah, so also will it be in the days of the Son of Man. People were eating, drinking, marrying and being given in marriage up to the day Noah entered the ark. Then the flood came and destroyed them all. “It was the same in the days of Lot. People were eating and drinking, buying and selling, planting and building. But the day Lot left Sodom, fire and sulfur rained down from heaven and destroyed them all. “It will be just like this on the day the Son of Man is revealed. On that day no one who is on the housetop, with possessions inside, should go down to get them. Likewise, no one in the field should go back for anything. Remember Lot’s wife! Whoever tries to keep their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life will preserve it. I tell you, on that night two people will be in one bed; one will be taken and the other left. Two women will be grinding grain together; one will be taken and the other left.””
‭‭Luke‬ ‭17‬:‭26‬-‭35‬ ‭NIV‬‬

“Do not remember the sins of my youth and my rebellious ways; according to your love remember me, for you, Lord, are good.”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭25‬:‭7‬ ‭NIV‬‬