Years in Review
When God called me to give my testimony there was a specific day where He clearly told me to not look back! He wasn’t saying never look back because there are definitely times He wants us to look back. God is so specific and on that particular day it was my 39th birthday.
My plan was to break the fast at the cemetery where my mom and grandparents are buried. I had believed the lie that all of the people who loved me had already died. Except for my kids, I KNOW my kids love me! On that day the LORD gave me a vision. I had never had a vision from God and it was the most amazing experience of Him speaking to me
““ ‘In the last days, God says, I will pour out my Spirit on all people. Your sons and daughters will prophesy, your young men will see visions, your old men will dream dreams.” Acts 2:17
Before leaving the house that day I asked God, “What should we do today?” and He spoke to my heart that I should go to the strip club where I used to work. I was bothered by this idea and I told God that it was so long ago and I didn’t want to go there and besides I didn’t even remember where it was. I packed a picnic lunch for myself and my three youngest kids and we loaded into the car and headed off for our day. As I was getting onto the highway I saw a billboard that said. “Meet me at Lawrence and Pulaski!” It was an advertisement for the Admiral Theatre. God had my attention and so we drove to the strip club and as I drove by I prayed.
“Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one’s youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. They will not be put to shame when they contend with their opponents in court.” Psalms 127:3-5Psalms127:3-5
There was so much packed into the vision that day. It’s been clearly unfolding in my life and I’ve been working on a book laying out the lessons God has taught me. Recently, I came across some of my old writing.
“What are your dreams? What do you want to do with your life? Do you know this Jesus I have spoken of? He is a friend that sticks closer than a brother? He rescued me from the depths of despair and he will do it for you too!
What would you do if you were not afraid? What would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail? Do not abort your mission!” These are my words from a post I wrote called Do Not Abort Your Mission.
These are worthy questions that I’m reflecting on today as I’m laboring to bring forth my testimony.
I wrote about that experience in my post Sometimes God’s Delivery is Traumatic.
When I was trying to write my GoFund Me Where there is Love There is LIFE I was told by a woman that I needed to Go Big or Go Home. So I took it to the Lord in prayer and He told me to focus on the family. Immediately I thought of the Focus on the Family ministry that is so popular, but that wasn’t what God was saying. God was literally telling me to focus on my family. Because to go big you have to go home and start there. God cares about the one. I believe this is true regardless if it’s your blood born family of origin or the family of believers, which I wrote about in a post called,Why The Local Church Should Start At Home.
Near the end of that incredible birthday when God was speaking to me so profoundly, I arrived at the cemetery and there was a chain on the gate. The cemetery was closed for the day and God spoke Luke 9:62 into my heart.
I was locked out of the cemetery and that day I became a farmer. The thing about farming is that there is a lot of waiting between seed time and harvest. But make no mistake there will be a bumper crop! I think about that a lot and I find comfort there. We reap what we sow. Yay!
There seems so much to tell you. For those of you who pray, I would appreciate your prayers.
Life has gotten really crazy around here lately. Only some people know this little fact, WE ARE IN A WAR! It’s a war for souls and it is brutal. This week was one of my worst weeks and I took a huge hit for the team. God told me to armor up that day but honestly I didn’t see the attack coming. I don’t feel released to give the details just yet, only that someone close to me destroyed my trust (again)!
I didn’t know what to do. I was having a hard time moving forward and then I thought of someone I like to call Dad.
I remembered a time when he had been in the hospital and it was a real doozy of a stay. I don’t remember all of the details. I know it had to do with his heart and I remember his arm was in a sling and mostly I remember that one day he just stood up and walked right out of the hospital. I don’t know if it’s true, but I heard he left the hospital without his shoes and his wallet and he walked home in nothing but his hospital gown. Please don’t quote me on those details. The takeaway point is this, we are called to a life of self control not other people control. He took control of himself. Bravo!
I went to his house that day and with my own eyes I saw the man I like to call Dad mowing the lawn. His arm was in a sling and when I questioned him about it he just said that it was his lawn and it needed to get mowed.
I have to tell you that it felt fantastic! I had no idea that mowing the lawn could feel so satisfying.
My life feels out of control. I don’t like the narrative. I’m struggling to trust God’s timing and plan. I’m wrestling to let go of what I want and to forgive. The person who hurt me so badly this week apologized and asked for my forgiveness. I did forgive, but forgiveness does not equal trust.
One last thing for today. I felt a prompting an embarrassingly long time ago to post a video from my hubby’s 50th birthday which took place during the pandemic. I’ve plugged that in below. Enjoy it! I love you all!
